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Mister Sleuth, is it true that you own or are planning to own a Trans-Universe traveling junker car?
Best $35,000 I ever spent.
Leaves fell, one by one, in the most boring and repetitive pattern one could imagine. Red, orange, yellow, orange, red. It was almost like nature was toying with the bored young lady gazing out of her window.
Careful steps on the sidewalk pavement echoed down the busy street, alive with the steady thrum of car engines and chatty, busy people.
It was a sweltering, Saturday evening, and as one of the top Sleuths in the city, you’d been assigned a riveting case involving the kidnapping of a top businessman’s daughter. No biggie, You thought to yourself, feet shuffling on the cement. It’s not like if I can’t solve this my career will be over. No way.
Except, you know, if you couldn’t find her kidnappers and bring her back home safe and sound you were pretty much fucked. Yeah. That was something you wanted to think about for sure. Definitely.
You retrieve a worn carton of cigarettes from your coat pocket, slipping one out of the package and igniting it with an equally worn lighter. Tilting your not so fancy, trusty white hat to reflect the rays of oncoming traffic, it’s nearly blown off your head from a gust of wind that seems to come from an alleyway behind you.
That… was pretty odd. Not like anything you’d experienced; for a while, anyway. You had a bad habit of being around when the strangest of shit went down sometimes, and your weird shit senses were tingling like none other.
Casually striding down the alleyway, you broke into a sprint once you figured you were out of the public eye, nearly tripping over a few sacks of garbage and a kid.
With how quickly you freeze at the thought, you nearly fall forward.
You twist around immediately, head jerking and cigarette flying. She looks totally out of it.
"You alright, kid?" You ask, kneeling and extending your hand to her.
How did that bust even get into your building? It seems so big! Did it have little wheels on it? How did you call Busts-R-Us if your phone has no parts to it?
I dunno, kid. I just ordered the thing.
It was a magazine promo! I sent them a money order, heh.
I won't! I don't have the money! But Possibly-Mister-Sleuth, why would you think having a Ben Stiller bust would be a good idea in the first place?
Are you crazy, kid?
It’s th’ best financial investment you could ever… invest in.
I’m not makin’ this up.
I've got so much sugar in my blood I could almost be called a diabetic! I guess I already am like you, Possibly-Mister-Sleuth! I've been locked in my house for a while now, hee hee! However there are no busts blocking my door, and my window isn't an alternate dimension! It's kind of a let down.
S’probably a good thing. Your window not bein’ an alternate dimension, I mean.
We gotta fix that bust problem. That’s th’ first step to becomin’ more like me. Just make sure you put it in a place where it’s not gonna impede your progress later, alright?
I always read it as a bedtime story though, Possibly-Mister-Sleuth! Just like all the other detective stories I have! But I guess I could use some company no matter who you are! My dad is being a stinker and won't let me leave the gosh darn house! And yes, I absolutely love baking! It runs in my bloodline, and I am the heiress of the Crocker Empire.
You’re an heiress? Damn, I never woulda guessed. Does that mean you got confectioner’s sugar blood or somethin’?
I’ll bet all them stories don’t tell it like it really is. You gotta be tough to survive in this environment, kid. Real tough an’ hardboiled. Like me. You just gotta be me.
Oh my goodness, no! No, no! I must've baked my self dry last night! I've read all about you Possibly-Mister-Sleuth! It's just a story! You are just kneading my bread here, bamboozling me!
I’m not doin’ any bamboozlin’! Trust me, I had just about enough of that in one lifetime. If y’really have read all about me you gotta know that much.
You like bakin’ or somethin’?
Oh my gosh! Ohmigosh could it really be true? No, of course not. This is clearly a dream and is pure fantasy! It's the only answer!
This ain’t no fantasy, kid.
This is as real as it gets.